Our relationship was never one of great support and love. The few times I went to her for support she revealed it in an attempt to hurt. Filled with a rage of jealously she was purposely abusive, and being addicted to drugs, didn’t help our relationship at all.
For decades we had an on-again off-again (mostly off) sister situation. It was the norm. Our relationship was extremely complex and those emotions wore my mother out. Hell, they wore me OUT! It takes a lot of negative energy to fight with someone up close and a far and that is just what we did. I often noticed other big sisters looking out for their little sisters and couldn’t help but wonder why I didn’t have that from my sister. When I competed in beauty pageants sibling abuse was my platform. Because of the work I did to bring awareness to the situation producers at the Dr. Phil Show noticed what I had done and asked if I would share my story nationwide. Of course I did.
After more than 11 years we made up when we bumped into each other at Costco. She was with our mom and we started to chat. Her more than me. I was leery of her and only allowed our relationship to grow little at a time. I had a cook-out for our nephew and invited my sister and her husband. Then we had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at my house. After that came various events such as luncheons for African American women, outings with our mother, and together we planned a surprise birthday party for our mom which was her first birthday party ever!
So as our relationship improved over the last year who knew I would get a call in the night of morning telling me Toni is dead. She was in a lot of pain from brain surgery and a few car accidents and took maybe too much medication to alleviate the issue. After receiving the news, the pain had me scream, “That Fucking Bitch!” multiple times as I let out the emotions my body felt.
This is the second sibling I buried. My brother died 20 years ago. I am my mother’s last child so I am very protective of her as she is of me. I never wanted my mother to experience such an ordeal ever again no matter what but free will is real. It can interrupt any and all plans.